Mar 09

How Do You Ensure That First Date Goes Well?

Okay, so you’ve landed a first date! Congratulations! That initial connection, the spark of potential, it’s exciting, right? But then comes the inevitable question: how do you ensure that first date goes well? How do you turn that spark into a flame? Don’t worry, we’re going to break down the essential elements of a successful first date, from preparation to follow-up, so you can walk in feeling confident and ready to make a great impression.

Setting the Stage: Preparation is Key

A successful first date starts long before you actually meet. Thoughtful preparation can significantly reduce anxiety and increase your chances of a positive experience.  

  • Choosing the Right Location:
    • Pick a location that allows for conversation. A noisy bar might not be the best choice.
    • Consider your date’s interests and preferences.
    • Opt for a public place, especially for a first meeting.
    • A coffee shop, a casual restaurant, or a walk in a park are classic first date options.
  • Confirming the Date:
    • A day or two before the date, send a confirmation message.
    • This shows that you’re reliable and considerate.
    • If you need to reschedule, do so as early as possible.
  • Dress Appropriately:
    • Dress according to the location and the type of date.
    • Aim for a balance between comfort and style.
    • Clean and well-maintained clothing is always a good choice.
  • Arrive on Time:
    • Being punctual shows respect for your date’s time.
    • If you’re running late, let them know as soon as possible.
  • Research:
    • If you met online, re-read their profile.
    • Refresh your memory of your previous conversations.
    • This will help you find conversation starters.

Making a Great First Impression: The First Few Minutes

Those initial moments are crucial for setting the tone of the date.

  • Smile and Make Eye Contact:
    • A warm smile and direct eye contact convey confidence and approachability.  
    • A genuine smile can put both of you at ease.
  • Offer a Genuine Greeting:
    • A simple “It’s great to finally meet you” or “I’ve been looking forward to this” can go a long way.
    • Use their name.
  • Be Mindful of Body Language:
    • Maintain open and relaxed body language.
    • Avoid crossed arms or fidgeting.
    • Lean in slightly to show engagement.

Conversation Starters and Keeping the Flow:

Conversation is the heart of a first date. Here’s how to keep it flowing smoothly.

  • Ask Open-Ended Questions:
    • Avoid yes/no questions.
    • Ask questions that encourage your date to share more about themselves.
    • Examples: “What’s your favorite thing about your job?” or “What’s a book you’ve read recently that you really enjoyed?”
  • Active Listening:
    • Pay attention to what your date is saying.
    • Show that you’re listening by nodding, making eye contact, and asking follow-up questions.
    • Avoid interrupting.
  • Share About Yourself:
    • Don’t just ask questions; share your own experiences and thoughts.
    • Find a balance between sharing and listening.
  • Find Common Ground:
    • Look for shared interests or experiences.
    • This can create a sense of connection and make the conversation easier.
  • Avoid Controversial Topics (Initially):
    • Politics, religion, or sensitive personal issues are best avoided on a first date.
    • Focus on lighthearted and positive topics.
  • Use Humor Appropriately:
    • A touch of humor can lighten the mood.
    • Be mindful of your date’s sense of humor.
    • Avoid jokes that could be offensive or misinterpreted.
  • Be Positive:
    • Keep the conversation upbeat and positive.
    • Avoid complaining or dwelling on negative experiences.

Mindful Manners and Courtesies:

Good manners go a long way in making a positive impression.

  • Be Respectful:
    • Treat your date with respect, even if you don’t feel a romantic connection.
    • Avoid interrupting or talking over them.
  • Put Your Phone Away:
    • Nothing says “I’m not interested” like constantly checking your phone.
    • Give your date your undivided attention.
  • Offer to Pay (or Split):
    • If you asked them out, it is generally considered polite to offer to pay.
    • If they offer to split, be gracious and accept.
    • Discuss it openly if you’re unsure.
  • Be Attentive to Your Date’s Comfort:
    • Pay attention to their body language and cues.
    • If they seem uncomfortable, change the topic or suggest moving to a different location.

Ending the Date Gracefully:

How you end the date can leave a lasting impression.

  • Express Your Enjoyment:
    • Thank your date for their time and tell them you enjoyed the date.
    • Be genuine and specific.
  • Offer a Compliment:
    • A sincere compliment can make your date feel good.
    • Focus on something you genuinely appreciated.
  • Be Honest About Your Interest:
    • If you’re interested in a second date, let them know.
    • If you’re not, be kind and respectful.
  • Walk Them to Their Car or Public Transportation:
    • This is a simple gesture of courtesy and shows that you care about their safety.
  • Follow Up:
    • Send a thank-you message within a day or two.
    • This shows that you’re thoughtful and considerate.

Dealing with First Date Nerves:

It’s perfectly normal to feel nervous on a first date. Here are some tips for managing anxiety:

  • Practice Relaxation Techniques:
    • Deep breathing, meditation, or visualization can help calm your nerves.  
  • Focus on the Present Moment:
    • Don’t get caught up in worrying about the future.
    • Focus on enjoying the present moment.
  • Remember, They’re Probably Nervous Too:
    • Knowing that your date is likely feeling nervous can help you feel less alone.
  • Be Yourself:
    • Authenticity is key. Don’t try to be someone you’re not.
  • Have Fun:
    • Remember that dating should be enjoyable.
    • Relax and have fun!

Turning a First Date into a Second (and Beyond):

If the first date goes well, here’s how to keep the momentum going:

  • Suggest a Specific Activity for the Second Date:
    • This shows that you’re genuinely interested.
    • It also makes it easier for your date to say yes.
  • Continue to Communicate:
    • Stay in touch between dates.
    • This keeps the connection alive.
  • Be Consistent:
    • Show that you’re reliable and trustworthy.
    • Follow through on your promises.
  • Be Patient:
    • Building a relationship takes time.
    • Don’t rush things.

A successful first date is about creating a genuine connection and leaving a positive impression. By being prepared, mindful, and authentic, you can increase your chances of a memorable and enjoyable experience.

Citations

  • Hendrick, C., & Hendrick, S. S. (2000). Romantic love. Sage publications.
  • Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work. Harmony.
  • Leary, M. R. (2007). Social anxiety. Guilford Press.
  • Psychology Today. (n.d.). Dating. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/dating

Keywords:

First date, Dating tips, Relationships, Communication, Conversation starters, Dating advice, First impressions, Body language, Dating etiquette, Nerves, Anxiety, Romantic relationships