Dates, especially first dates, can feel like a high-stakes performance. You’re trying to make a good impression, gauge compatibility, and hopefully have a good time. But sometimes, in our eagerness to impress or due to nerves, we can make mistakes that derail the date. Let’s talk about some of the biggest blunders people make on dates, and how to avoid them.
The Pre-Date Fumbles: Setting the Stage for Failure
Even before the date begins, you can make mistakes that sabotage your chances.
- Poor Communication Beforehand:
- Being vague about plans or constantly changing the time and location can frustrate your date.
- Not confirming the date or showing up late without explanation is a major red flag.
- Solution: Be clear, communicative, and respectful of their time.
- Presenting an Inaccurate Online Persona:
- Using heavily edited photos or lying about your interests can lead to disappointment and distrust.
- Solution: Be authentic in your online profile and conversations.
- Not Doing Your Research (A Little Bit):
- While you don’t need to stalk your date, knowing a little about their interests can help you find common ground.
- Solution: A quick glance at their social media or online profiles can provide some conversation starters.
The First Impression Fails: Off to a Bad Start
First impressions matter, and these mistakes can create a lasting negative impact.
- Being Disrespectful to Staff or Others:
- Rudeness to waiters, bartenders, or anyone else is a huge turn-off.
- Solution: Treat everyone with kindness and respect.
- Poor Hygiene or Grooming:
- Neglecting basic hygiene or wearing inappropriate clothing can signal a lack of effort.
- Solution: Dress appropriately and ensure you’re clean and presentable.
- Constant Phone Use:
- Checking your phone constantly sends the message that you’re not interested.
- Solution: Put your phone away and give your date your undivided attention.
- Negative Body Language:
- Crossed arms, lack of eye contact, and fidgeting can make you seem uninterested or uncomfortable.
- Solution: maintain open body language, and make eye contact.
Conversation Catastrophes: Talking Yourself Out of a Second Date
The conversation is the heart of a date, and these mistakes can kill the vibe.
- Dominating the Conversation:
- Talking excessively about yourself without letting your date speak can make you seem self-centered.
- Solution: Ask open-ended questions and listen actively.
- Oversharing or Trauma Dumping:
- Revealing overly personal or sensitive information too early can make your date uncomfortable.
- Solution: Keep the conversation light and positive, especially on a first date.
- Talking About Your Ex:
- Dwelling on past relationships is a major red flag.
- Solution: Keep the conversation focused on the present and future.
- Being Argumentative or Condescending:
- Disagreeing about everything or talking down to your date is a surefire way to end the date early.
- Solution: be respectful, and if you disagree, do so respectfully.
- Lacking Curiosity:
- Not asking any questions, and showing a general lack of interest in the other person.
- Solution: Prepare some questions before the date.
Behavioral Blunders: Actions That Speak Louder Than Words
Your actions can speak volumes, and these mistakes can be deal-breakers.
- Being Inattentive or Distracted:
- Not paying attention to your date’s words or actions can make them feel ignored.
- Solution: Be present and engaged in the moment.
- Being Rude or Disrespectful:
- Interrupting, talking over your date, or making offensive jokes are unacceptable.
- Solution: Treat your date with kindness and respect.
- Being Dishonest or Inconsistent:
- Telling lies or contradicting yourself can erode trust.
- Solution: Be honest, and if you are unsure of a topic, say so.
- Being Overly Forward or Pushy:
- Making unwanted advances or ignoring your date’s boundaries is a major red flag.
- Solution: Respect your date’s personal space and boundaries.
- Being Cheap or Unprepared:
- Not offering to pay, or splitting the bill when you asked them out, can be a turn off.
- Solution: Be prepared to pay, or discuss splitting the bill beforehand.
The Post-Date Pitfalls: Ending on a Sour Note
Even after the date, you can make mistakes that ruin your chances of a second encounter.
- Ghosting:
- Disappearing without explanation is disrespectful and hurtful.
- Solution: If you’re not interested, send a polite message.
- Sending Mixed Signals:
- Being hot and cold or sending confusing messages can leave your date feeling uncertain.
- Solution: Be clear and consistent in your communication.
- Being Overly Eager or Clingy:
- Sending excessive messages or planning future dates too quickly can overwhelm your date.
- Solution: Give your date some space and time to process the date.
- Not Following Up (If You’re Interested):
- If you had a good time, not sending a message to thank them for the date, can make them think you are not interested.
- Solution: Send a message to thank them.
The Importance of Self-Awareness and Empathy
Avoiding these mistakes comes down to self-awareness and empathy.
- Be Mindful of Your Behavior:
- Pay attention to how your words and actions affect your date.
- Be aware of your own habits and tendencies.
- Put Yourself in Their Shoes:
- Consider how your date might feel about your behavior.
- Treat them with the same respect and consideration you would want.
- Learn from Your Mistakes:
- If you make a mistake, apologize and learn from it.
- Use each date as an opportunity to improve your dating skills.
Dating can be a fun and rewarding experience. By avoiding these common mistakes, you can increase your chances of having a successful and enjoyable date.
Citations:
- Hendrick, C., & Hendrick, S. S. (2000). Romantic love. Sage publications.
- Leary, M. R. (2007). Social anxiety. Guilford Press.
- Psychology Today. (n.d.). Dating. [https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/dating]
- The Gottman Institute. (n.d.). Relationship Advice. [https://www.gottman.com/relationship-advice/]
Keywords:
Dating mistakes, First date, Dating etiquette, Relationship advice, Communication skills, Social skills, Dating tips, Dating behavior, Dating fails, Dating advice